The Malaysian Indian e-Community

rishi · Senior Member Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 620

1. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I
can't remember the other two... -- Sir Norman Wisdom

2. One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that
even a bargain costs money. -- Edgar Watson Howe

3. A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your
success! -- Doug Larson

4. A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie! -- Eric Bolton

5. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized
that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive
me. -- Erno Philips

6. I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. -- Robert Paul

7. We spend the first twelve months of our children's liv! es teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -- Phyllis Diller

8. Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge

9. Start every day with a smile and get it over with. -- W.C. Fields

10. Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. -- Will Rogers

11. Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out,
you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney

12. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not
have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the
same choice we've always had: work or prison. -- Tim Allen

13. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry
you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner

14. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen

15. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we
didn't. -- Erica Jong

16. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard

17. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. -- Wendell Johnson

18. In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found
out. -- Joey Adams

19. I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds
out, she'll kill me. -- Henry Youngman

20. Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already
born ? -- Benny Hill

Kon_Roy · Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:08 pm Post subject:

hahaha...
nice jokes....keep em coming rishi.....
_________________

rishi · Senior Member Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 620

rishi · Senior Member Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 620

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy .
Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the
Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.

If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.
The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man
named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder
asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting,
neither side would be allowed to talk.

The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite
each other for a full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had
happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God
common to both our religions.

Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.

He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here
with us. Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from
our sins.

He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything.
What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What happened?"
they asked. "Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to
get out of here. I told him not one of us was leaving.

Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.

I let him know that we were staying right here."
"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!

+ + ++
A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily banging around
pots and pans in the kitchens.
When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eat but, more
importantly, is very upset about something.
"What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?"
"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and it worked!"
"Then what's the matter? Where there are a lot of bugs in it?"
"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it worked perfectly!"
"So what's wrong?"
"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for a few minutes."
"Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife inquired.
"No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key."

+ + + +

Trying to find just the right name for your child? Why not pick one of these?

Just find your profession below and we have the right name for you!

Lawyer's daughter: Sue

Thief's son: Rob

Lawyer's son: Will

Doctor's son: Bill

Hair stylist's son: Bob

Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb

Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary

Sound stage technician's son: Mike

Gambler's daughter: Bette

Iron worker's son: Rusty

TV star's daughter: Emmy

Movie star's son: Oscar

MIRUGAM · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:26 pm Post subject:

ASKING FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE :

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly
the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,
"Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over
anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the
bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would require! It will
nearly exhaust several natural resources.

To justify your desire for worldly things, take a little more time and try
to think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish
that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels
inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she
cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong and how I can make a
woman truly happy" .

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

MIRUGAM · Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 2:05 pm Post subject:

Have a good laugh!

How much would it cost to (telephone) call
Malaysia from Hell?

You'd be surprised!

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Ahmad Badawi

die and go to hell. But the devil has only one phone there.

Queen says, I miss my England , can I use your phone and hear how my people are doing down there.

She calls and talks about five minutes. Then she asks: Well devil, how much do I owe you for the call?

The devil says: Five million pounds. She writes him a cheque and goes back to her chair ..

Clinton wants to make a call too. He says I wanna call the US . He talks about ten minutes, then asks how much do I owe you devil?

The devil says Ten million dollars He also writes a cheque and goes back to his seat

Badawi is jealous. He says I want to call Malaysia .

He calls and talks for about an hour to his son-in-law who is busy trying to find Mr.Petronas. Then he asks the devil how much do I owe you?

The devil replies: only one dollar. Badawi is shocked and asks 'why so little?'.

The devils says: if you make a call from one hell to another, IT'S LOCAL CALL.

MIRUGAM · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:41 pm Post subject:

HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES

1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyse the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting
Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them
in Engineering .
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put
them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in
Operations.
f. If they are sleeping , put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in
Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle , put them in Human Resources
i. If they say they have tried different combinations , they are
looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved , put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been
moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management

Finally , if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from , put them in Government

MIRUGAM · Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:46 pm Post subject:

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal! to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18 . Procrastinate Now!

19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.