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VJeyaa

This is a question that most couples who gets married or about to get married will think about at least in the beginning stage? What are the benefits and what are the pitfalls? All in all, is it advisable for a couple as an option?
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Before you criticize someone, make sure you walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize, you're a mile away and you HAVE THEIR SHOES.

LoveSeeker · Junior Member Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 56

if u were asking me...then i would say yes and no...depends lah....if he/she happens to be the only child....then how he/she abandoned the parents unless the parents are wealthy.

the pitfalls of staying together with parents....
1.childrens will not be able to feel the real meaning of a family.
2. parents will be there to cover or support.
3.children would be very much dependent
4.children will feel more stressed and burdensome to take care of both the parents and the own family.

well on the benefitting part....
1.parents will be more secured.
2.have ppl to watch over.
3.kids got the attention from grannies.

i will add more later

rishi · Senior Member Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 620

depending on the nature of the in-laws and the new person in family.. Razz

hmm..

baby_witch · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 1:53 pm Post subject:

Seriously, I would love to stay with my in laws...afterall how long are they going to be with us. I love to live in a "koote kudumbam".. it would be a great life.. semua kiter buat beramai-ramai being tolerant, able to give and take..and share things... not being selfish There would someone who would be there to guide you.. Its challenging and interesting.
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We grow by our dreams.... Keep dreaming...

LoveSeeker · Junior Member Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 56

wah.....touched lah baby Surprised

rishi · Senior Member Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 620

babies are like that

blackmafia · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 4:10 pm Post subject:

well i am not going to talk in general....but from my own opinion which seems to be pretty good to some of the family...

nowadays a lot parents are independent...they have kwsp, investments, own savings, educations, and etc....so they dont need to be dependent o the children....

children should get married and go out...start they new life.....if u stay with ur family, u tend to get advice from ur parents on ur family....there will be slowness in human growth for husband and wife.....so starting family on own can be very exciting and sometimes disastrous....

i will vote for tani kuduthenam Cool

my humble kudethenem Cool

VJeyaa · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 4:17 pm Post subject:

LoveSeeker · Junior Member Joined: 15 May 2008 Posts: 56

thani kudethanam------------------------------------------------------

privacy......
learning curve.....
xperience provider....
maturity builder............
real life realiser......

blackmafia · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 5:21 pm Post subject:

baby_witch · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 11:07 pm Post subject:

rishi · Senior Member Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 620

thani kuduthenam - less risk
- amount of loss/gain is less

kuutu kuduthenam - higher risk
- amount of loss/gain is higher

VJeyaa · Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 9:09 am Post subject:

mmm.... very wise of rishi. Truly wise I say. Very Happy

A pat on your back girl. Wink

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Before you criticize someone, make sure you walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize, you're a mile away and you HAVE THEIR SHOES.

rishi · Senior Member Joined: 06 Mar 2008 Posts: 620

thank you...

thank you...

VJeyaa · Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 11:10 am Post subject:

The important issue is not about being "nice" or "not nice". The important is whether it is the RIGHT and CORRECT thing to do or not. There is a difference between the two. There are lots of things in life that appears "nice", but is it right? That is the pertinent question. Sometimes you need to do what appears to be "not nice" but often it is the right decision in the end. So it is more important to do the right and wise thing, whether nice or lovely or joyful or bla, bla, bla ... is secondary.

If you asked me why, then I will tell you that from my own experience, married life (which I like to compare with a fragile plant that needs to be nurtured and protected) needs alot of care and nurturing, especially the beginning stage when 2 people begin to adjust to each other. And they need to protect their new life from freindly interference from "well meaning" people. I personally know quiet a number of people who lived in a big house under the "koote kudumbem" concept, The thing is, each of them have their own sets of stoves which they use to cook their own food, etc. They are living under the same roof because they all wanted a share of the house if the patriarch dies but in all sense of the word, they are ALL living seperate lives. No matter how close people appear to be, it will only be a mattre of time because problems definitely will creep in. It is human nature. This is the reason why I strongly advocate "thani kudethnum". Instead of staying under the same roof and breaking the relatinships it is far better to stay seperately and at least have some form of relations to avoid problems. "Kanji kudichalum thaniya valanum" is my motto.

Actually the reasons are various and it is really a complex issue, but there is a reason why the wise people would advise against staying with parents once they are married. It is for GOOD reasons. It may "appear" to be "less than nice" but in the end you will know that it is indeed the correct and wise decision.

My 2 sen (rounded to the nearest figure and becomes zero sen)
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Before you criticize someone, make sure you walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize, you're a mile away and you HAVE THEIR SHOES.